More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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