Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
