Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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