why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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