this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Randomize
