I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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