Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
