he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
