We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
