There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
