Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
