i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
