So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
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