I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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