Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
