we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
