____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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