Sry I called you an 8
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
