i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
That accounts for only three of the penises
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
