True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
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