so explain again why im purple
no
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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