Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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