This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
