you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
