I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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