Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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