im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Randomize
