Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
