i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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