all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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