Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
