Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
