dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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