Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(609): View more from New Jersey

So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up

(1-609): View more from New Jersey

i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one

(609): View more from New Jersey

ravioli

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(609): So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up (1-609): i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one (609): ravioli http://tfl.nu/eoaw

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(510): View more from California

stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work

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(510): stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work http://tfl.nu/9l6e

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(647): View more from Ontario

Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.

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(647): Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar. http://tfl.nu/rv9o

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(716): View more from New York

You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.

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(716): You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook. http://tfl.nu/wajd

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(757): View more from Virginia

And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."

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(757): And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate." http://tfl.nu/e62b

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(705): View more from Ontario

just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...

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(705): just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer... http://tfl.nu/qk4d

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(416): View more from Toronto

Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist

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(416): Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist http://tfl.nu/x60r

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(561): View more from Florida

I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.

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(561): I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk. http://tfl.nu/i2nj

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(606): View more from Kentucky

I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."

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(606): I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening." http://tfl.nu/f5c0

Replies (3) Good night (1342) Bad night (381)
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(765): View more from Indiana

The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange

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(765): The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange http://tfl.nu/tkqz

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(206): View more from Washington

I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2

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(206): I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2 http://tfl.nu/1blx

Replies (9) Good night (1155) Bad night (422)
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(323): View more from California

BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"

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(323): BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come" http://tfl.nu/th7x

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(904): View more from Florida

I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!

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(904): I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms! http://tfl.nu/g8iv

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(607): View more from New York

I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.

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(607): I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs. http://tfl.nu/nmbl

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(716): View more from New York

It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week

(210): View more from Texas

You are the most depressed sports fan I know

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(716): It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week (210): You are the most depressed sports fan I know http://tfl.nu/7tbn

Replies (3) Good night (217) Bad night (608)

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