I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil