pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i may or may not be watching the land before time
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads