I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Dating After Heartbreak
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
I'm going back tonight
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea