He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.