I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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