my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
