HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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