We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
