i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
