I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
