I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
