I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
