sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
