Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
