i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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