He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
