you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
