we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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