You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
