she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
