Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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