My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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