a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
