One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Yo dont text me then not text me
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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