If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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