people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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