I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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