I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
