so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
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the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
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You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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