i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
