Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
