she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
