Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
